Attaching ourselves to the outcome makes things more difficult. It is not good or bad.
Experience vs result. If you had to pick between experiencing these without ever knowing the result (like above). Or only knowing the result without having the experience, which would you choose? This can even be asked about watching the experience, like in a movie.
Most people I speak with seem to value the experience of it more.
We truly don’t know if the result (outcome) is even good or bad long term.
For example: A rejection for a raise could very well lead you to leaving that company for a better company where you end up learning unique skills that enables you to start an innovative startup.
Or an approach of a stranger could lead to a phone number, but then to a 5 year romantic relationship that ends horribly and you "wasted" 5 years.
These can switch back and forth to what we perceive as good or bad.
For instance, after that horrible 5 year relationship that person finds a soulmate in their ex’s coworker that they never would have met without that bad relationship which leads them to live happily ever after.
My point is a great outcome from an interaction doesn’t mean that it’s good long term and a bad outcome (getting rejected) may have saved you long term from a shitty situation.
Don’t worry too much about the outcome. That worry can enhance and put fuel on the fire on our natural anxiety, especially in those big moments. Then it becomes much more difficult to do in the first place.
I’m not saying to go to the extreme in always being wary about a good reaction and being relieved when something doesn’t move forward socially! But it could make socializing more easy if you can mitigate some of the emotions that are stopping you by using this outlook. Bad isn’t bad and good isn’t good, be open like a good scientist.
Social skills are learnable and you can get really good at them, as we have learned here at Jaunty, but the skills are there so you can enjoy and learn from the experience with other people. -Eric Waisman
By Eric Waisman, Jaunty's Founder
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat,” said the tree. The Giving Tree gave everything to the boy because it made her happy. I talk about this classic kids’ book by Shel Silverstein from time to time; it was one of my favorites.
Today is #GivingTuesday. There is a crazy little hack to happiness, and it’s giving. My happiest moment last year was at Camp Grounded. I was surrounded by loved ones and music at the camp snack shop.
Lots of people were cuddling on the lawn and they looked hungry. So I bought everyone a huge ice cream sandwich.I tried to do it anonymously and have the shop pass them out, but everyone found out it was me. I saw so many people light up when they were given a surprise ice cream. I felt euphoric. Weirdly euphoric.
Studies show that people who spend their money on others are happier than if they spend it on themselves. There’s something about doing nice things for others that makes us feel really good.
Now, there are people who ask for too much, and who are not very appreciative, like the boy in “The Giving Tree”. This is where our Jaunty skills of reading others and assertiveness really kick in. You can choose relationships in your life that are two way streets.
We are blessed at Jaunty that we get to give everyday. I hope you try out this happiness strategy and do more to be of service and help others, today and every day. As Anne Frank once said, “No one has ever become poor by giving.”