By Eric Waisman
This blog was originally published in Jaunty's June newsletter while Eric was living in New York City for a few months.
I'd like to share the trick I have been using to explode my social circle. In the first few weeks here, I have already been invited to countless rooftop parties, been asked to speak at two large events and was invited by the head of the air conditioning mafia to his mansion for a dinner party. Yep, that happened. Here's what I have been doing and you can do it too.
Using our Jaunty skills I have been meeting a ton of people through WeWork, my roommates' friends, at parks, bars, cafes, on the subway, and of course...on the street. At some point in the conversation I bring up that I am new to NYC.
If you are not new to your city you can say, "I'm looking to get out and meet new people", or that you are always looking out for a new adventure.
Then I say I would love for them to let me know about all of the great events they know of in the city. I frame it as though they are connected to insider stuff, (which everyone is to a certain extent,) and that they have status by having such cool resources. So I straight out ask them to invite me to everything! If you are using your conversational agility skills as we teach at Jaunty, a good percentage of the people will start inviting you to stuff.
Now here is where the magic comes in. Let's say I met 20 people and asked them all to invite me to their fun events and let's say five start inviting me to things. I will invite everyone (all 20 minus the person who invited me) to all of the events from the five (unless it's a private house party). So even for all of the other 15 people that have not invited me to anything, now I am, out of the blue, inviting them to a bunch of cool stuff. That makes them start inviting me to things too.
Plus, I am now showing up to the events with a bunch of people I know and I can start introducing people to each other. This has been a crucial piece of my building my social circle here. My new and old friends here are calling it "Eric's Posse."
This is the power of showing vulnerability up front. You ask people to take you under their wing, and turn it around and take them under your wing. Getting invites feel great and being able to invite people you've just met to events feels awesome. Try it out and let me know how it goes.
By Eric Waisman
This blog was originally published in Jaunty's July newsletter after Eric came back to San Francisco after spending a few months living in New York City.
Straight guys and gay women, brush up on your social skills and get your asses to Manhattan. You'll thank me later.
During the past few months, whenever I went out in NYC, I saw way more groups of women than men. (The photo above is a typical NYC night out.) What's up with that? Are NYC's guys all staying in watching the game? Actually, it turns out there are a ton more women than guys there. According to the Census, there's a 150,000 single woman surplus in NYC.
This has created a weird dynamic between the city's straight men and women. Female friends told me about women who believe they need to have sex on the first date or there won't be a second date. They're afraid if they don't, "he'll move on to someone else".
This may seem amazing for straight guys but at a point it actually hurts them in finding a long-term partner. If guys get used to moving on very quickly, it can become a habit. They might find themselves cycling through endless women rather than finding love.
When I was in NYC, whenever I approached groups of women, they were always eager to keep the conversation going. One night, I started talking with a group of beautiful women and as the conversation progressed, more of their friends kept showing up to meet with them. It turned out that many of them were reuniting after not having seen each other for many years. Yet they seemed way more interested in chatting with me and my friend than catching up with each other. It was almost like they hadn't had a great conversation with a guy in a long time.
Let's Jaunty it up with some tips for New Yorkers:
Women - Build sexual tension
Hook up if you want to. But if you want a relationship with a guy, don't do anything out of fear or before you're ready. You think if you don't he'll just run to someone who will? Give yourself some credit. You're awesome! It's better to play it cool and know the guy is really interested in you. Instead, focus on building sexual tension by being really playful with interesting conversation sprinkled in. When you do go for it, the sex will be way better.
Men - Give the gift of time
You've got a sweet thing going on here, but be careful with the abundance and the revolving door mentality. Having such a surplus of amazing women can be overwhelming to the point of paralysis. (Like when you have way too many choices on a menu.) Also it can lead to a "the grass is always greener on the other side" loop, which leaves you feeling empty and alone. So keep up with your Jaunty skills and give the gift of time to every woman. Have some patience and get to know them. Sex with some emotional investment can be pretty incredible.
What's the deal here in San Francisco?
As it turns out we have a surplus of single guys, an extra 50,000 according to the Census. This means if you're a single, gay man or straight woman looking for love in San Francisco, you have NO excuses.
Whoever you are and wherever you live, be bold and approach. Say hi. If you've been to a Jaunty workshop then you have the skills to know what to say next. If you've taken a Jaunty course then you have the skills to do whatever you want. And pay attention to your body language. Make it a habit.
Seriously, how many hotties have you said hi to this month? Be honest. If you're still single and seriously looking for a relationship then that number might not be big enough.
Keep sharpening your social skills, because your moment to meet someone can happen anywhere.