How to Flirt: The Playful Art of Spark
7 steps to help you be a better flirt
"Flirting is where mystery meets potential." -Eric Waisman
Do you want to learn how to flirt?
Flirting is a playful way of making yourself memorable and attractive to others with your words and body language. Learning how to flirt is not only important for sexual reasons or getting a second date.
It's important to realize that your flirting skills can also help you make friends and form genuine connection, or network and get ahead in your career.
We'll also talk you through some of our best flirting tips for how to flirt with confidence and charm. So whether you're single and ready to mingle, or you just want to learn how to be more social, keep reading!
Step One: Allow yourself to flirt with genuine interest
The first step to flirting is what everyone forgets. Everyone will feel uncomfortable while learning how to flirt at first, but you must permit yourself to flirt in the first place.
A lot of people think flirting is weird, or they're not good at it. But the reality is that everyone can learn how to flirt – it's just a matter of practice and confidence.
So allow yourself to flirt, and don't worry about mistakes.
Learning how to flirt and seduction are two of the most underrated and taboo behaviors in our society.
We are taught from a young age that flirting is wrong and that we should be polite and reserved when interacting with others. We are nervous about coming across as too forward, too aggressive, or sleazy.
As a result, we repress our natural flirting instincts and end up missing out on opportunities for connection and intimacy.
Flirting is not about being sleazy or easy. It's about expressing your interest in another person and creating a spark of connection. It's about making someone feel wanted and desired.
And it can be a lot of fun!
If you're too scared to flirt, start by loosening up your inhibitions a little bit. Stop waiting for the mythical "right person." Drop the formal and boring act.
Be playful and unique so it feels natural.
Hint at your darker side. Go a little further than the other 99% of people who are too predictable and cookie cutter to draw attention in their interactions.
Allow the real you to flirt and you may make a real connection.
Step Two: Make eye contact and be a little "smirky"
Eye contact is key when flirting. It shows confidence and interest. The next time you're in a social situation, make a point to lock eyes with someone across the room.
Don't feel awkward about holding their gaze. Maintain eye contact for a couple of seconds longer than feels comfortable – it'll make them feel special.
Don't be afraid to add a little smirk to your conversation. A smirk shows playfulness and mystery. It's the perfect way to let someone know you're interested without being too forward.
The idea here is to flirt subtly and be a little bit suggestive without being explicit. It is a combination of eye contact and a half held-back, but still genuine smile that looks like you know something they don't. Like knowing a fun secret that may unfold soon.
Let them know they need to work a little to unlock it.
There are a few ways you can practice, but the easiest is by looking in the mirror and smirking at yourself. It sounds silly, but it'll help you get the right facial expression. It worked for Marylin Monroe.
Step Three: Paint their future with your words
You can flirt by subtly painting a future world with them. The idea here is to disrupt their mundane lives when you are together. You can open other person's eyes to what they haven't considered possible and let them know that the combination of them with you is special.
When you paint the future, you're planting a seed in their mind that will grow over time. People tend to think about what it would be like to experience those things with you. And as they think about it more, they'll start to get emotionally invested in the idea.
To do this, you'll need to be a little bit creative. And it helps if you're good at storytelling. But even if you're not, you can still paint a picture of the future by describing in detail what it would be like as if it were already real.
The key is to make it feel real and tangible. The more specific you can be, the better. And don't forget to include them in the story!
- "If you worked on our team we'd be on a yacht in Croatia by now, hope you like traveling!"
- "Wow you make me laugh, a good sense of humor is so rare these days! I see us Sunday mornings laughing until we pee ourselves! Where have you been all my life?
Step Four: Playfully tease them verbally and with body language
Teasing is a form of flirting that can create instant feelings and attraction. It's playful and fun, and it shows that you're not afraid to push boundaries.
When you tease someone, you're challenging them in a way that's both lighthearted and flirtatious. You're showing that you know how to flirt and that you're not afraid to be a little bit naughty in your conversations.
This also shows that you both can break rapport which is a signal of growth and independence.
To tease someone, you can gently make fun of them or their ideas. You can also playfully push their buttons by challenging them directly.
Just be careful not to cross the line into the mean-spirited territory and hurt their feelings. The goal is to make them laugh and feel good. It's incredibly attractive when done well.
Teasing breaks rapport in a good way. It makes you both grow by a mini right of passage.
Teasing can be physical, verbal, or both. It's all about finding what works for you and the other person. It's important to be aware of their body language and read the situation before you start teasing, and make sure every one is left smiling – you don't want to come across as mean or insensitive.
A good rule of thumb is to only tease people who you know can take it. And make sure that your intentions are clear. Teasing should always be done with a smile and in a friendly way.
Here are some examples of verbal teasing:
- "You're such a troublemaker!"
- "I can't believe you said that!"
- "You're so bad!"
And here are some examples of physical teasing:
- Tapping someone on the nose
- Playfully pushing or poking someone
Step Five: Be a little bit aloof
Aloofness is an attractive quality because it makes you seem unattainable. When you're a little bit aloof, you're sending the message that you're not interested in anyone or anything – except for the person you're flirting with. This can really attract people.
It's important to strike a balance here. You don't want to be so aloof that you come across as uninterested. And you don't want to be so interested that you seem desperate. The key is to find the middle ground.
Here are some ways to be a little bit aloof:
- Don't give too much away about yourself. When you're talking to someone, make sure that you're not revealing too much information about your life.
- Don't be too available. If someone asks for your number, don't give it to them right away. Make them work for it a little bit.
- Be mysterious. Try to keep an air of mystery around you. This will make people more interested in you and want to learn more about you. But be careful too much mystery can be a turn-off.
Step Six: Compliment Them
The sixth step is to compliment them. This makes the other person feel good about themselves and shows that you're attracted to them.
When you give someone a compliment, you're making them feel good about themselves.
And when somebody feels good about themselves, it shows that you've really noticed them. But it's important to be genuine – don't overdo it, or they'll think you're insincere.
For example, if you say "you're pretty/cool/awesome," that's not a very specific compliment. It could mean anything from "you have a nice face" to "you're wearing makeup well."
However, if you say "I love your eyes" or "I really admire the way you are so open-minded about different cultures," then you're giving a much more specific and meaningful compliment.
By giving a specific compliment, you show that you've been paying attention to the person and that you appreciate them for who they are.
This makes them feel good about themselves and increases the chances of building a deeper connection.
Step Seven: Touch Them Lightly
The seventh step is to touch them lightly. This is a subtle way of flirting and shows that you're interested in them physically. Touch their arm or shoulder when you're talking to them, or brush against them accidentally on purpose.
When you touch someone, it's a way of showing them that you're attracted to them. It's a subtle way of flirting, but it can be very effective.
Just make sure that you don't touch them too much, or they'll think you're being creepy.
Sometimes, a light touch is all it takes to make someone feel special and appreciated. If you want to flirt with someone, then touch them lightly and see how they respond.
If they seem interested, then continue to touch them gently and see where the conversation goes from there.
Ways to use light touch to flirt subtly
- Light taps on the arm and shoulder
- pushing them away when teasing
- Pulling them in let them in on a secret
- Lightly touching their chest (on men)
- Taps to their knees and thighs when sitting
- Touching their hand or arm when you're talking to them
- Hugging them goodbye
- Boldly going in for the kiss
There is no one way to flirt. Each person has their own style and comfort level when it comes to flirting. If some technique doesn't feel like the real life "you," then you will come off as mechanical and insincere.
The key is finding what works for you, not "most people," and being confident with it. For example, some people might be more touchy-feely with a potential mate, while others might prefer to use humor, inside jokes, or playful banter.
What matters most is that you are genuine and authentic in your approach and you stay positive. If you can make the other person feel comfortable and at ease, take it as a compliment and know that you're on the right track!
How Jaunty Social Skills Training Services Work Better Than A Traditional Dating Coach
We've made the process of mastering social skills simple.
Here's the best way to get started with us:
- Step 1: Complete our form to let us know your needs.
- Step 2: If we're a good fit for each other, you can set up a call to discuss our service and pricing with you.
- Step 3: We have two services, and they can work together: The Six-Week Masterclass and The Jaunty Gym.
If you've been wanting to improve your social skills but haven't had the time to commit, or have had bad experiences in the past, fill out our form to learn more about your options. Regardless of where you are socially we have found that anyone can improve their social skills and their social life. You can try it out for a month or two and see how you like it. For testimonials from our clients, check out our success stories.