How To Flirt Over Text: A Step By Step Guide With Examples


How To Flirt Over Text: A Step By Step Guide With Examples

Learn how to send Cupid's Arrows straight to their heart with our guide to flirting over text and be sure your romantic intentions hit the bullseye every time.
Flirting over text

Do your texts get lost in translation? Are you feeling text anxiety and worried that your next message could be your last chance?

Before you hit send, take a deep breath, make sure to sharpen your communication skills, and learn how to flirt over text without looking needy.

Flirting over text has its own nuances, personal motivations, and unique set of rules. According to research from Texas Tech and Xavier Universities, gender, mode of flirting (face-to-face vs over text), and relationship status can influence our motives. Their research revealed that many women tend to flirt for pleasure, both in person and over text. While men often flirt over text for relaxation or to express assertiveness in a new relationship, and some may flirt for escapism during face-to-face encounters.

If you’re single ready to mingle or just looking to keep that spark alive, knowing these subtle differences in flirting styles can give your flirty texts an extra edge and ensure you’re sending the right signals.

Flirting Over Text: Dos and Don’ts

  • Begin with a unique greeting to stand out from the usual “hey” and “hi” crowd.
  • Show genuine interest in them, their hobbies, and what they want to talk about.
  • Gauge their sense of humor and be funny enough to create a relaxed conversation.
  • Give genuine compliments about their personality or accomplishments.
  • Stay brief and be positive to keep the conversation fun and light.
  • Stay engaged by paying close attention to their responses and ask follow-up questions.
  • Don’t be too forward or explicit, especially in the early stages of the conversation.
  • Avoid manipulating tactics or playing mind games to gain attention.
  • Don’t be pushy and avoid sending multiple messages without waiting for a response.
  • Don’t ghost people unless absolutely necessary as it can leave them confused and hurt.
  • Don’t rely heavily on sarcasm or self deprecation as they can be easily misinterpreted.

How To Flirt Over Text And Keep the Vibe Going

Coming up with flirty conversation starters can be nerve-wracking, but knowing the right approach can make it a fun and exciting experience. If you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while or just recently getting over an ex, it may seem tricky to approach flirting via text messages, but the key is to find build rapport and establish a connection.

Timing and frequency are important factors to consider when initiating and maintaining a flirty conversation. You don’t want to overwhelm the other person, but you also want to keep the conversation flowing, engaging, and lively.

1. Begin with a unique greeting

Skip the usual “hey” and “hi there” routine. Instead, dive in with an engaging opener that will break the monotony. Start an impromptu debate about a fun topic, like “Pineapple on pizza: yes or no?” Share your hottest take on a trending meme, or ask them about their guiltiest pleasure binge-watch show of all time and compare notes with yours. For some flair, use emojis and GIFs, but use them sparingly. And, above all else, balance being memorable with being approachable.

2. Ask questions related to their interests

Showing genuine interest in the other person is a great way to start a flirty conversation. Ask them about their hobbies, favorite social activities, music, or their weekend plans. Make it fun, “Now you’ve got me craving sushi! What are your top 3 other favorite types of food?” – Say if they expressed interest in anything sushi related. This will give you an idea of their interests and provide a foundation for the conversation. Pay attention to their responses and ask follow-up questions to demonstrate your interest.

3. Use humor to break the ice

Humor can be a powerful tool in starting a flirty conversation, as it helps to create a relaxed atmosphere and put both parties at ease. Sharing a funny meme, joke, or callback humor can get the conversation going and demonstrate your playful side. Be mindful of the other person’s sense of humor and try to choose jokes or memes that are lighthearted and inoffensive.

As the conversation progresses, you can use humor to make light of potentially awkward situations, or to playfully tease the other person. Just remember to strike a balance between humor and flirtation, as too much joking can detract from the romantic aspect of the conversation.

4. Have a good conversation starter ready

Finding common ground is essential to starting a flirty conversation. Look for things you both enjoy or can relate to, such as a shared love for a particular movie or TV show. Discovering mutual interests can create a sense of connection and make the conversation more engaging. You can also use these commonalities to introduce playful teasing or light banter.

If you both enjoy watching the same sports team, you can tease each other about being die-hard fans or discuss recent games and predictions. You can also make exaggerated claims or accusations based on their interests. For example, “Oh I bet Darth Vader is your favorite, you’re trouble!” The key is to use these shared interests as a springboard for fun, flirtatious conversation that can help you both feel more connected.

5. Compliment them genuinely

Giving specific and genuine compliments can greatly enhance your text flirting. Whether it’s about their appearance, personality, or something they’ve accomplished, a well-placed compliment can make them feel special and open up the conversation to more flirtatious banter. Compliments make the other person feel valued and appreciated, fostering a deeper connection.

It’s essential to avoid generic or insincere compliments, as these can come across as disingenuous. Instead, focus on unique qualities or attributes that you genuinely admire, like “Your creativity is so inspiring!” or “Your kindness really brightens my day.”

6. Find common ground

As mentioned earlier, finding common ground is crucial for starting a flirty conversation. Use the information you’ve gathered from showing genuine curiosity in their interests and your shared experiences to create engaging and flirtatious exchanges. This will help you build rapport and make the conversation more enjoyable for both parties.

7. Be concise and positive

When flirting over text, it’s essential to keep your messages short and sweet. Concise messages are easier to understand and leave less room for misinterpretation. Brevity also helps maintain the flow of conversation and prevents overwhelming the other person with too much information.

Instead of writing a lengthy paragraph detailing your day, you could simply say, “Had a great time at the park today! How was your day?” By focusing on the main points and avoiding unnecessary details, you can create engaging and effective text flirting exchanges.

8. Use flirty emojis and GIFs

Using flirty emojis and GIFs can add personality and emotion to your text flirting. Emojis can help convey tone and emotion that may be lost in written text.

For example, a winking face 😘 or heart eyes 😍 emoji can add a flirtatious tone to your message. GIFs can also be a fun and playful way to express yourself and create a shared sense of humor. It’s important to use them sparingly and appropriately, as too many can be overwhelming and distracting.

9. Show genuine interest

Showing genuine interest is crucial in any form of communication, especially when it comes to text flirting. It shows that you value the person and want to get to know them better. Asking open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more about themselves can help build a deeper connection.

It’s also important to be active and respond to their messages with genuine interest and enthusiasm. Avoid constantly redirecting the conversation back to yourself and instead, make an effort to learn more about the other person’s likes, dislikes, passions, and dreams. Demonstrating genuine interest can also involve remembering details about the other person’s life and referencing them in future conversations.

How To Avoid Common Flirting Over Text Mistakes

Flirting over text can be a fun and exciting way to connect with someone, but it’s essential to avoid common mistakes that can hinder your chances of building a meaningful connection. By being aware of these pitfalls and taking steps to prevent them, you can improve your text flirting skills and create more enjoyable and successful interactions.

1. Don’t be too forward

While it’s important to show interest and engage in flirtatious banter, being too forward and just asking someone our on a date can make the other person uncomfortable and harm the budding connection. It’s crucial to strike a balance between showing interest and respecting the other person’s boundaries. Avoid using overly suggestive or explicit language, especially in the early stages of the conversation. Instead, focus on building rapport and creating a sense of intrigue and excitement.

2. Don’t be needy or manipulative

Flirting should be a fun and positive experience for both parties involved. Avoid using manipulation tactics such as negging, or playing mind games like making them jealous, or sending mixed signals to gain their attention. These strategies can create confusion, mistrust, and ultimately damage the connection you are trying to build. Instead, focus on being genuine, honest, and transparent in your interactions. Show your interest by being attentive, engaged, and supportive, without resorting to deceptive tactics. A healthy and successful flirtation is built on a foundation of trust, so make sure your actions reflect your genuine intentions.

3. Avoiding the triple text

One common mistake in text flirting is sending multiple messages in a row without waiting for a response, also known as the “triple text.” This can come across as needy or pushy, potentially making the other person feel overwhelmed or pressured. Instead, give them time and space to respond at their own pace. If they don’t reply immediately, resist the urge to send additional messages. Remember that people have different texting habits and schedules, and by being patient, you demonstrate respect and consideration for their time and feelings.

4. Don’t ghost people (unless you have to)

Ghosting, or suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation, can be hurtful and confusing for the person on the receiving end. While it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and safety, try to avoid ghosting someone unless absolutely necessary. If you’re no longer interested in continuing the conversation or pursuing a connection, it’s better to communicate your feelings honestly and respectfully. This can help prevent misunderstandings and provide closure for both parties.

That said, there are times when ghosting may be necessary, such as when dealing with someone who is aggressive, manipulative, or disrespectful. In these cases, prioritizing your safety and well-being is paramount, and cutting off communication may be the best course of action.

5. Don’t rely too heavily on sarcasm

While sarcasm can be a fun and witty form of humor, it can be easily misinterpreted in text form. Without the context of tone and body language, sarcastic comments can come across as rude or offensive. To avoid misunderstandings, try to limit your use of sarcasm in text flirting, or make sure to include emojis or other indicators that you’re joking. Focus on other forms of humor, such as playful teasing or lighthearted banter, to keep the conversation fun and engaging without risking miscommunication.

How can I gracefully recover from a flirting misstep over text?

If you realize you’ve made a mistake flirting over text, the best course of action is to acknowledge the mistake, apologize if necessary, and move on. A simple message like, “I didn’t mean to come across that way, my apologies!” can help diffuse any awkwardness. It’s essential to learn from the experience and adjust your flirting style to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and demonstrating self-awareness and humility can be attractive qualities.

It’s also important to remember that not every misstep is a disaster. Sometimes, a minor slip-up can even lead to a deeper connection if it’s handled with grace and humor. So don’t be too hard on yourself – just learn, adjust, and keep the conversation going.

Can flirting over text lead to a successful relationship?

Flirting over text can definitely lead to a successful relationship. Texting allows individuals to get to know one another and establish a connection before meeting in person. This can create a strong foundation for a relationship. However, it’s important to eventually transition from texting to in-person interactions, as physical presence and non-verbal cues are essential for deepening the connection and understanding each other better.

While it’s important to keep the conversation light and playful, don’t forget to also ask meaningful questions and share about yourself so everyone involved can determine if there’s potential for a deeper relationship.

How often should I text someone I’m interested in without being too pushy?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the frequency of texting depends on the individuals involved and the stage of a relationship. The key is to strike a balance between showing interest and respecting the other person’s boundaries. If you’re not sure where you stand it’s important to ask relationship questions and pay attention to their response time and engagement level. Adjust your texting frequency accordingly to give the other person space and time to respond without feeling overwhelmed.

As a general rule, try to match their texting pace. If they respond quickly and send messages frequently, it’s usually safe to do the same. If they take longer to respond or send fewer messages, it’s best to follow their lead. Remember, the goal is to create a comfortable and enjoyable conversation, not to pressure them into constant communication.

What are the signs of flirting being well-received?

Positive signs of flirting being well-received include enthusiastic responses, reciprocated flirtatious behavior, more emojis, and openness to sharing personal information or stories. If the other person initiates conversations or sends messages first, it’s a good sign that they are interested and enjoying the interaction.

If they seem to be avoiding certain topics, responding with short or vague messages, or taking a long time to reply, they may not be as interested or comfortable with the conversation. In these cases, it’s best to adjust your approach or consider whether it’s the right time to be flirting with this person.

Learning How To Flirt Over Text Is Just The Beginning

Implementing key principles like concise messaging, positivity, complimenting, playful questioning, humor, and genuine interest can take your text flirting game to the next level and improve your conversation skills. Remember to maintain confidence and respect while staying true to yourself. Embrace the fun and excitement of forging meaningful connections through text flirting.

Mastering the art of flirting over text is one component of building strong social skills, and Jaunty’s social skills classes for adults are here to guide you every step of the way.

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Eric Waisman

Eric Waisman

Founding Instructor

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